Fos Strikes Again...

Why oh why must Fos be such a liar???

Like it isn't bad enough that he is incompetent, friendless and a freak, must he lie too? Where was he when God was giving out virtues?

Probably in the loo, cos you know why...

Today, after having promised all three of us that we are off gardening duties in order to concentrate on the end-of-year party, Fos kept asking us if the plants had been watered yet.

"Aren't we supposed to be off gardening for the next two weeks?" whispered Monitress grumpily to me. I shrugged, unsurprised.

Then Fos came around to my kennel and started bellowing. "Has anyone seen Apple?!!!"

I coughed to indicate that I was -indeed - there and have been so for the past decade. He turned around and asked me:

"Have you watered the plants today? What's your watering schedule for the week like?"

I said: "I have fertiliser duty next Monday for the new tulips. Am doing research on which kind to buy."

"Apart from that?" he asked.

"I've got my share of the end-of-year party to do and also the Novena prayers this Saturday."

"Apart from that?" he insisted.

"Er... I guess apart from ALL of that, I'm doing absolutely nothing, no."

"Then you better start showing some initiative and come up with something to do this week."

**********

Fos was interviewing a new slave today. Poor sod is only 15 and has no idea what he's getting himself into. His name is Rappa and Baby kept raving about him.

"Someone who'll take the heat of us," she declared.

So come interview time, Baby had to sit with them and take notes.

Fos began by drawing his feet up on the table and exposing his putrid slippers to Rappa.

"Why are you here?" he began. Rappa drew himself up and cleared his throat.

"Well, I... er, I want to, to do good work and..."

Fos bristled. "You mean you don't know why you're here?! Let me tell you..."

And off he started on his spiel about what an honour it is to serve him, how he is lord and master of Crazy Train Household and why was Rappa NOT licking his balls yet.

Baby held her breath. Scribble, scribble.

"What kind of experience do you have with manacles and two-prong dildoes?"

Rappa blinked. "Umm, well... that is to say, I've never actually..."

"NEVER????" Fos pounced on Rappa, ripped his liver out with his claws, gnawed on it a few times and stuck it back in.

Baby nodded sagely. Scribble, scribble.

Rappa sat on his stool, frozen. Then a few minutes later, he let out a long, wheezing breath and hacked a few times.

"So, am I hired?"